Comfort

[redheart]

Originally published at Ekunyi's Embers. You can comment here or there.

I always feel a bit odd apologizing on blogs for not being “around” or writing much, given that most of what I type is met with very limited response. This is not whining, mind; finding the energy to sort through ideas and meet them with your own, particularly given the abundance of spiritual blogs (and likely blogs on all the other interests we have) on which you might be asked to contribute, is difficult to balance with that whole, having a life off of the computer bit! I’m far from the best myself.

That said, I have been gone awhile. Graduate school — and more seriously, issues with depression — have me by the heart once again. Time for contemplation and spiritual matters has tanked; and even when I do have time for senut I’ve been physically impure for other health reasons or felt so down as to declare myself emotionally impure. Yet the few times I have managed “unofficial” shrine time in the past four weeks have been incredibly revitalizing.

Last night for example:

I was shocked not to be met with rebuke, but concern and compassion, after a particularly rough week emotionally. I’ve not been taking the best physical and mental care of myself; I know this.

Yet shrine time was simply… a reminder that I am loved. Worries were expressed by my Mother, Bast, She who is rarely so gentle with me. Heru-wer’s gruffness was also turned down, a firm reminder given that I should try to take better note of when my internet time turned from self-care and community to mindlessness, and to step away to do something physically or mentally challenging at that point, but even this was followed a “I know you can do this. You are strong.”

Hethert-Nut said very little, but just gave the impression of a starry blanket wrapping me up in a giant hug. Set just watched me, with a pain in that dark gaze that spoke volumes of His concern, even if He wouldn’t voice it.

I went to bed with my partner but continued to have a sense of them, each in their animal theophany, tall enough to reach halfway to the ceiling. A massive dark cat, a blindingly golden hawk, a star-furred thick-horned cow, and a huge red Set-creature, standing guard at each corner of the bed. For the first time in weeks I had no nightmares, and woke feeling genuinely rested.

Dua my Parents. Dua my Beloveds. I am forever grateful that even in the darker times, you remain at my side. I will try to better represent your strength and vitality in the days to come.